Silence

I hate not having control, not knowing. I hate silence, yet I've grown to love it more dearly than any other sound... Louis Armstrong once said that music is the silence between notes and I think he hit it on the head, pretty much. Beautiful as some sounds are, nothing quite astounds us, or terrifies us, like silence. Because, in silence, there is space that is not filled by us... by something we have control over. No, in silence God is present in a way indescribable. Some times it even feels smothering, the weight of glory... in the silence, I acknowledge that I have nothing to contribute but everything. Not what I do, not what I say, but my being. All of it. Paradoxical, yes. Lately, silence has been hitting me hard, especially when I come to the Lord uncertain in prayer. The tough part is laying down the desires, the ideas, the plans that we have and realizing that it's supposed to be an exercise, a prayer aimed at the goal that "I must decrease, that He may increase." In the silence we die... but unless grain falls to the earth and dies, it shall not bear fruit. Likewise, we should embrace silence, we should embrace our death so that we might live ever more fully... the only way to avoid death is to die.

A Beautiful Eulogy

It's been a while since I last wrote due to a number of factors... I was stricken with acute bronchitis, a cold, and a gaggle (that seems to be the right word) of freshmen and friends moving back to college. It's been a crazy last month, incredibly challenging and wearing... but I'm back. Kind of.

What does that mean? Well, in my spiritual life, things have been "struggs" lately, as the youngsters say. It's been a real battle lately and some days I don't feel like I can fight any more. But I must. There's a great tension inside of me right now, between my desires for companionship and my doubts as to whether I'm meant for such companionship right now. Between my job (which keeps me on my toes 24/7) and my "personal" life. I'm beginning to see that there are no facets, like a diamond, but one person who carries through each scenario I meet. I'm encouraged by this. There is no "other side" to me that you need to know, I am both/and, not this at such a time amidst such people, yet that in different conditions. 100%, American made, Roman Catholic man. Mmm.

So, this is a sort of eulogy to the cowardice and indecisiveness of the past. I am putting on the new man. And will continue to do so daily. That's what it means to be converted... I've written about it before, life entails us converting daily- second purgations, etc. So, want to come along?

Sincerely,
A Sheep come back

I'm not invincible?

Hey all! I hope that this finds you well, I haven't written in over a week because of my move out to Kansas. It's been a pretty hectic week, but things are starting to settle down a bit. At least that's what I thought. But I actually had to go to the ER here in Atchison last night, which was a pretty cool experience actually (I've spent hundreds of hours in hospitals, but never as a patient!). It's pretty funny, after working in some mega hospitals around Denver, the Atchison Hospital felt like my dorm room.

But with better A/C.

Now I take fairly good care of myself, but there were a few points last night where I was legitimately unsettled. I'm glad everything is okay (obviously), but having to go to the ER made me think a bit about how I'm not invincible. Strange concept, right? I mean, I like to tell myself that I know I'll die some day, but I think I still have that teenage guy mentality at some times. "I'm athletic, I eat well, I'm strong. I'll be fine, nothing can mess with me." And then I go in to the ER and I find out I have acute bronchitis (I could barely breathe last night, like I said, I was unsettled) and... suddenly, the comfort's gone. I'm mortal. My body won't always be in perfect, tip-top shape.

I freaking love Scrubs. And, working as a hospital security officer, I've seen a lot of crazy, heartbreaking, and sobering stuff. But it doesn't really hit you until something happens to you personally, you know? It's weird that it has to be that way. But it's good, too. And I loved being a patient. It felt really cool. I know I probably sound like a nerd, but it's a really awesome experience (once you find out you're okay)... but that's just because I'm weird. My favorite part was getting wheeled to my chest x-rays.

So what did I learn? I've got amazing, supportive friends who will be there for me even when it's not convenient. I'm not always going to have the great health I've been blessed with. And my cough medicine makes me pretty loopy, which makes me laugh. So I just have to smile today and thank God for what He's given me, because I'm starting to realize it won't last. But He will.

A curious turnaround

It's been a rather hectic three days, so I apologize for no post on Friday. Essentially, I hiked a large mountain on Friday, moved out to Kansas on Saturday, moved into my dorm yesterday and now I am finally settled. So here it goes.

Matthew 17:20 says 'He said to them, "Because of your little faith. Amen, I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."'


We hear from Jesus Himself, countless Hallmark cards and Christian songs, and a whole host of other sources that faith can move mountains. Great! But I'd like to turn it on its head and ask you a question: when was the last time you let the mountains move you?

"In Soviet Russia, mountains move you?"

Let me clarify: when was the last time that you experienced something utterly magnificent? When was the last time you saw something that no words or photographs could ever do justice to? Those are some pretty sweet moments. When my friend and I reached a saddle about five hundred feet from the summit and were able to look down through the entire valley we'd just hiked through, all we could say was "Wow." It was such a beautiful time for us.

I maintain, along with G.K. Chesterton, that man needs a healthy sense of wonder and adventure to live fully. So what are you doing to get your daily dose of wonder in? Are you spendin' your whole day in front of the XBOX? Or are you getting out and looking at the beauty God's placed around you? Are you isolating yourself, or are you embracing the people placed in your life? I sure hope you are, because, if not, you're missing out.

The problem with materialism

Starting at the beginning, as all good things should, let's get this clear. I'm talking about the philosophy of materialism (physicalism can also be included along with it, although there are small differences between the two).

Not this materialism.

So what is materialism? Essentially, just the philsophical position that the only thing that exists is matter or energy (matter meaning an inert, senseless substance in which extension, figure, and substance do actually subsist), and that all things are composed solely of the material and all phenomena, including consciousness, are the result of material interactions. Now the philosophy basically allows for nothing spiritual or transcendent. But there's a problem with that. Now, I'm going to leave aside the obvious objection that, if we are simply the sum total of the accidental firings of millions of neurons, the chance formation of a human body, and a million other coincidences, there is no way that we can trust our ability to reason to the point that we are only such a product. That's ridiculous.

No, I'd like to address the problem, if one can call it such, of beauty. Yes, I'm rather fond of beating dead horses (you can read a previous post which addresses beauty, that should help with the reading of this post as well). I think that the problem with materialist philosophy is that beauty completely invalidates it. Not just beauty in that I like Justin Bieber's hair, but you think it's atrocious. No, not that simple. But it's the problem of enduring, the problem of the lasting beauty. What would make epics such as The Odyssey, or forms of music such as Gregorian chant, or art from the Sistine Chapel (just... wow!) have the appeal that they do across cultures, over centuries and, even, millenia? Now, if we go by the strictly materialist philosophy, then beauty is an extremely subjective quality (if it is even a quality at all, and not simply a human invention, but that's addressed in the post I linked you to) because our only knowledge of the world comes from our five senses and, even then, it's subject to the limitations of our human condition. But the survival of art suggests something different; it suggests, as G.K. Chesterton would say, man's ultimate need to be something more than a materialist. These pieces of art resonate deeply in the hearts and souls of individuals from very different cultures across vast spans of time... there is no strictly material explanation for that. In fact, the only explanation for this is that there is something within us (or, rather, it is us) which yearns for the beautiful.

See, we can create things that have a value and worth in and of themselves. That's extraordinary. And that is how I can recognize how awesome The Odyssey is just like an ancient Greek could, although in different ways. Materialism has no explanation. In fact, were materialism prevalent (or, worse yet, true), there would be no need for art. There wouldn't even exist the idea of a need for art. Yet we still wish to create, to search out, to invent, to animate... and that is why materialism is flawed, because it uses the gift of soul and intelligence to deny that these gifts are anything more than the product of a million chances. Odd how that works. So, next time you can, listen to some Beethoven or Debussy, read Dante's Paradisio, or watch a beautiful movie (Lord of the Rings, anyone?). And realize that you are not alone when you feel yourself choke up, or tear up. In fact, embrace it. Take it for all that it's worth. Be alive, appreciate the beauty of it. You are not a mere accident. No, you are much, much more.

Attacks on the Eucharist

For you to know what I'm going to address, you'll have to read a "chick tract" (or a short, evangelical pamphlet- at least, that's my understanding of them). Here is a link to the comic, or you can watch the video that I embed below (but the music is not very good, it doesn't need volume). I think that you'll find, first off, that it's full of plainly misguided rhetoric which is backed, at best, by a severe misunderstanding both of the Catholic Faith and of the words of Jesus Christ, and, at worst, by ignorance marked with hate.

Now, I'm going to address the basic claim of the pamphlet, that "The creation of the wafer god was the greatest religious con job in world history." I'm not going to talk about all the obviously disgusting speech this pamphlet uses when speaking of the Church, priests, and the Eucharist. I'm simply going to speak about whether or not the Eucharist is, indeed, the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

Yes it is. Article over. Mmm... yes, but not that simple. Let's talk Catholic teaching, first, to get this straight: we believe that Jesus Christ, under the appearances of bread and wine, in the Holy Eucharist is contained, offered and received. He is made present by the priest acting in persona Christi, exercising the power given to them in the reception of Holy Orders, by the use of the words which Christ used in the institution of the Eucharist at the Last Supper, namely, "This is my body... this is the cup of My blood..." We can also look back to the John 6: 25-60 discourse (The Bread of Life Discourse) to see that Jesus meant, literally and not figuratively, that unless we eat His Body and drink His Blood, we have no life within us. (Check this, or your Catechism, for a more in-depth look at Catholic teaching).

Now, Protestants who do not believe in the Real Presence will disagee, I've found, on two common grounds: 1) Jesus was speaking figuratively in John 6, 2) Jesus was, once again, speaking figuratively in accounts of the Last Supper. Time to talk about these.

"Yes, let us think..."

First, Jesus was speaking literally. I mean it. He's serious, too. You're fooling yourself if you think He didn't mean that you and I actually have to eat (the Greek word translates more closely to "gnaw") His Body and drink His Blood. So please, let's take a look at what Christ has to say during the Bread of Life Discourse. "I am the bread of life; whoever comes to me will never hunger, and whoever believes in me will never thirst." (Jn 6:35) After this, the Jews are shocked that Jesus claims to come from Heaven. At this point, Jesus redirects them and states once again, quite plainly, that "I am the bread of life." (V.48) and "I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world." (V. 51) So Jesus has twice more affirmed that He is the bread of life, that whoever eats Him will live forever, and that the bread that He will give (which the Jews asked for Him to give them back in verse 34) is His flesh. The Jews began to quarrel again over what He is saying, at which He responds, not just once, but six more times, that He means this literally. "Amen, amen, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you do not have life within you." "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life..." "For my flesh is true food, and my blood is true drink." "Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me and I in him." "So also the one who feeds on me will have life because of me." "Whoever eats this bread will live forever." At this point, I like to imagine Jesus saying, "Guys, I really cannot stress this enough: It's totally me. Really. Completely. Fully. Truly. I'm serious." He could have, at any point, turned back and said that He was speaking figuratively, but He instead made His point ever more forcefully. So, next point.

Second, was Jesus speaking figuratively at the Last Supper? No. Of course, you knew I would say that. But anyways. Protestants will argue that Jesus meant "This represents my body". This is a translation of the original text which is unacceptable and very unsupported by common sense or even basic skill in the Greek text. I'm going to quote someone (a random Catholic on the internet with knowledge of Greek (both Koine and Attic)). Here goes.

"The Greek term that some Protestants state should be translated as "represents" is the Greek word "εστι" "esti". It is a form of the verb "to be" For any other grammar or linguistic junkies lurking out there, this word is: Third person, singular, present tense, active voice, indicative mood. This verb is referring to a he, she or it, it refers to one thing, that thing is happening right now in the present, it didn't happen in the past, nor will it happen in the future, that thing is not being done passively to another, and it is a statement of fact, not a command. It means "is". Everywhere else in Sacred Scripture it is translated as "is" and it would be inappropriate to translate that word as "represents" in those other places, ergo, it should also be translated as "is" in the phrase "this is my body..."

"τοῦτό ἐστιν τὸ σῶμά μου..." Luke 22:19 for just one example.

The verb in question is in bold. (Literally, word-for-word, it reads "this is the body of mine..." with the genitive of possession for "my body".) Now, to take a totally random example from scripture to further prove my point:
Mark 6:15 "And others said that it is Elias..."

"ἄλλοι δὲ ἔλεγον ὅτι Ἠλίας ἐστίν" The verb in question is again in bold.

(Literally the Greek reads: "others but/and said that Elias (it) is..." with the word "it" implied but not supplied in the Greek, "it" is referring back to "Elias" and English needs "it" for it to make sense which Greek doesn't required, and the word "δὲ" means either "but" or "and" depending on the context. -- You should see me with Egyptian Hieroglyphs :-)...)
Now, switch the wording around to: "And others said that It represents Elias..."
Doesn't really make much sense now, does it?"

Because that was a lot of text.

Anyways, I'm going to leave it at that, mostly because that's all that really needs to be said in order to understand that Jesus Christ literally meant that the Eucharist is His Body and Blood. Now, going back to the central claim of the pamphlet: "The creation of the wafer god was the greatest religious con job in world history." Interesting thing, there... because the "wafer god" was not created by any ordinary man, but the Son of Man. God the Son. The Messiah. Jesus Christ. The Good Shepherd. The Alpha and the Omega. The Cornerstone which the builders rejected. The second Adam. The Good Pelican. I can keep going, but it's not going to disguise the fact that, if the creators of that pamphlet stick to their statement in light of what I've just proved, they are calling not St. Peter, or any of the apostles, the greatest con-men... but they are saying that Jesus Christ is the greatest con-man in the history of religion. And that's awkward.

Just getting by?

First off, I want you to watch this video (or, if you aren't the athletic type, at least listen to the audio) and tell me you're not incredibly pumped up.

This video got me through a couple months of grueling football conditioning at ungodly hours of the morning earlier this year. But now for the twist. I was on retreat this past weekend, and during all the time in prayer I felt such a great desire to grow closer to God... to remember the desire I've had in my heart for the past couple years, to be a great saint and lover of the Lord. And as I left, I began to reflect: "How bad do I want it?" Because I saw a great group of other men, from radically different backgrounds, striving to run the race: a 56 year-old widower, four seminarians, two fathers, an electrician and a sergeant in the Army, high schoolers, a former astrophysics major from CU, then me. And I saw how intense some of these men were, how their hearts were on fire, and I realized that I want to be even more on fire than that.

But I've been a total wimp. I don't always want to pray, I want to go zone out in front of the TV and watch Food Network's Cupcake Wars and cram Doritos until I'm sick. I don't want to get out and work out, I want to lay in bed and take a nap. I don't want to work, or read, I want to just do nothing. I don't want to sacrifice food or sleep so that I can grow in self control, I'm terrified of being uncomfortable no matter how many manly guffaws and bicep flexes I can put out there to disguise that fact. And I know that you struggle with that too. I've just been getting by.

Maybe not in the same ways, though. Maybe you're wondering whether you're even worthy to talk to God. Maybe you're doubting whether you can be forgiven by Him. Maybe you don't even care that much! Maybe you don't know where to start. Okay. Well then take it to God. There are thousands of reasons for you to start talking with God more. But you've just gotta start, and God will give you grace to keep on working at it. So how bad do you want it?

God can work with the tiniest spark, but there has to be some spark or else no fire can be made. Even if you feel, right now, that you've just got the tiniest spark of desire- you aren't even sure that it's that large- ask Him to work with it, and He will. It will be worth it. But you have to make do with even the tiniest bit of desire. You can't drive a parked car. Are you just getting by? There's better life in God's plans for you than a "just getting by" kind of life. A "it's all right" kind of life. God wants to give you, me, everybody a "on FIRE" life. A living life. Better than what you've got right now. But do you want it? I pray you do.